I have a theory about why our generation—the younger of us
Gen Xers and nearly the entirety of the millennials—share their personal lives
seemingly everywhere, from Facebook to Twitter to Instagram to Pinterest.
It’s human nature to
live in community.
Because we’re of generations that are structured around
independence, solitude, the personal rather than the familial, we find solace
online in a fabricated community where we can boast, gripe, advise, or critique.
For some—perhaps those who have strong, structured, nourishing
communities—it doesn’t make sense why a woman would post on Facebook about her
full day at work culminating with her working out at the gym and coming home to
make dinner. However, for a woman who feels overshadowed by her schedule, or her
lack of connection to anything besides her responsibilities, social media
outlets are a way to find just that—an outlet.
In voicing their struggles, many women have found shared
vulnerabilities and frustrations. They’ve realized they are not alone.
I’ve done it. When I was friendless, overworked, underpaid,
homesick for my newborn, teaching too many classes, and struggling to find my
identity, I vented on Facebook by detailing my schedule and wishing for summer
break. When the outpouring of support—solidarity, compassion, listening ears—appeared on-screen, my
day felt better; my life, less hollowed in a vacuum.
I felt heard.
When people inadvertently reach out over social media, I
recognize it’s because of their inherent need for community. I admire their openness
and hope they’ll find nourishment, rest.
We were created to be together, to tell stories, to respond.
If my theory holds true, social media isn’t to blame for our disconnectedness;
it’s the result of it.
This post is in
response not only to something that’s been on my mind for some time, but also a
Facebook question from my college friend Melinda, in which she wondered why
some women feel the need to share so much online. I hope to continue a
conversation about my theories on Why Community Matters over the next few posts.
Do you agree or
disagree with my theory—and why? How do you find yourself most heard? What’s
your take on why we over-share on social media?
11 comments:
You are very correct. We want to be heard. We want to share what we feel, and have it help someone, anyone. It's a sense of fulfillment in a busy day, if you can offer encouragement or have a meaningful conversation with someone. It can come with a price, too, as it can backfire and hurt.
I suppose it works just like real life relationships, yes?
Brilliant theory. I totally agree. I prefer the face to face community. I have been anti-social media for a long time for two reasons: 1) I spent more time on it than with my kids so that is my fault, no balance and 2) after going "offline" very few people were willing to connect to me anymore in old fashioned ways like email, phone call...maybe that takes too much time? ...anyway, if I could learn to balance my use of it, I might find it useful for staying in contact, work or ministry--but for now...I thankfully have a great community where Iive.
I agree with you, as social media give us voice to reach millions of people irrespective of geographical location. It is the best medium to share your ideas and let them spread.
This makes me think of something I heard on the Documentary "Expelled": one of the interviewers said that that a question that never gets truly answered, never really goes away. It just keeps resurfacing like a little floaty toy or a buoy.
I think C.S. Lewis had it right too. He said something to the effect that human needs are like that. If someone is hungry, it is only when he eats that that his need will be satisfied. If we as people were created to be in community and that is as legitimate a need as physical hunger or thirst, then we will go one seeking to satisfy that need, perhaps without even realizing that is what we are doing, until at last that yearning is met.
Social media has its price though. It seems like a sufficient way to meet the need for community, however the virtual "paper trail" we leave behind makes me feel personally uncomfortable. I don't think places like facebook or twitter, etc, offer privacy in the true sense of that word.
Just some thoughts...
I need and crave community too.
Even the holy Seraphim from Isaiah 6, who were before the throne of God, were declaring to eachother the awesome holiness of God. I found that so interesting because there is just as much a place for private worship and adoration of the LORD as there is in assembly. Perhaps even more so.
To God be the glory. I declare His love and wondrous majesty to you. May it reverberate and echo across mouths and hearts, just like the seraphim.
I agree completely.
I agree completely.
Thanks for joining in, Alan. Welcome to Quiet Anthem. Ideas certainly can spread here, can't they?
I'm trying to find the balance, too, especially with accessing via my phone. I try to only be on my phone if no one else is around. (Un)fortunately, that's somewhat often.
I love your thoughts here, Natashia. Thanks for contributing.
I agree. When I was pregnant with my 3rd baby and had just moved to a small town where I knew nobody, I joined an on-line forum for mothers having babies the same month I was. These ladies became the ones who helped me through my baby's silent reflux, were always there for me to vent to, and I'm still in touch with many of them 5yrs later! We called ourselves the coffee-group drop-outs, as many of the ladies had tried coffee-groups and found them unfriendly. We have seen each other through marriage problems, start-up business stresses, motorbike accidents, miscarriages, toilet training, a move to Australia, and most recently one of our group had a still-born baby. When something goes wrong for someone, it almost always ends up on our facebook page, and everyone offers sympathy and advice.
For me, that sense of support has been a life-saver.
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